Back in February 1993, my emotional state was in tatters, I had hit rock bottom. Four words summed up my state back then - depressed, insecure, aimless and lonely.

At times I felt as if I was coming close to an emotional breakdown but the outside world remained oblivious to this fact. What did I have to complain about? I had a good job, a home, a car, good health, friends and so on, but something was still missing.

I was born in 1967 in a small West Yorkshire town, second to the youngest of my mother's four daughters. At secondary school I realised for the first time that I was black. I found myself comparing - looks, talent and popularity with my other peers, especially the girls and most of the time I seemed to come up short. My conclusion was simple:- It was all God's fault!

At fourteen rebellion struck home and I began to direct my bitterness and inner rebellion towards my parents for various reasons. I desperately wanted to be loved and happy, but was afraid that it wasn't going to happen. I went in search of love and happiness. To cut a long story short, I gave birth to a son at the tender age of sixteen. My son gave my life stability and responsibility. I was a mother now and there was no time for partying. The following six years were spent going to college, gaining a degree, finding a job and eventually buying a house. All this was done with tremendous support from close family and friends, but I still wasn't happy; there was something missing from my life. My emotional state hit an all time low when a long-standing relationship ended. Again I blamed God. At this point, I knew that unless help came quickly, my feelings would soon spill out and start to affect relationships in other spheres of my life, especially in my ability to function professionally at work. I'd finally reached a point of despair.

In November 1993 the Holy Spirit reached out to me in a dream and I conversed with God. He told me not to doubt Him and that He wanted me to trust Him. He had work for me to do and I was to prepare myself. He would help me through the process if I would let Him. When I awoke, I knew without any doubt that I had been in His presence. It was in that moment that I realised what I had been searching for.

Three months later, alone in my bedroom, I said a simple prayer; I repented and asked God to forgive me my sins. I gave my life to God and personally invited Jesus Christ into my life and heart as my saviour. Soon after I took another step of obedience and was baptised.

Four months into my Christian life and my life has been enriched and transformed. I am a new creation, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come." (2 Cor. 5:16)

I can now honestly say that I have found true happiness and love after many years of searching. I have a true sense of peace and the knowledge that no matter what events, experiences and situations that I encounter, whether they be good or bad, I can trust God and know that He is in total control.

Alison Horswood wrote this story in 1993, and her life has moved on considerably from this point. The next part of her story will be published in Story Book 4